Gotta work!

It's gonna be a long day today...

God, give me strength!

(Don't let me fall asleep on my desk...)

Leave A Light On

LEAVE A LIGHT ON
BELINDA CARLISLE
(Rick Nowels/Ellen Shipley)

(Image courtesy http://piratesandfireflies.files.wordpress.com/2009/07/holding-hands.jpg)

Take my hand
Tell me what you are feeling
Understand
This is just the beginning

Although I have to go
It makes me feel like crying
I don't know when I'll see you again

Darling leave a light on for me
I'll be there before you close the door
To give you all the love that you need
Darling leave a light on for me
'cause when the world takes me away
You are still the air that I breathe

I can't explain I just don't know
Just how far I have to go
But darling I'll keep the key
Just leave a light on for me

Yes I know
What I'm asking is crazy
You could go
Just get tired of waiting
But if I lose your love
Torn out by my desire
That would be the one regret of my life

Just like a spark lights up the dark
Baby that's your heart

Birthday wishes...

A friend's birthday is coming and so I asked how she'd like to spend her birthday. Being a practical person, I expected her reply to be either "A happening party my friends!" or "Nevermind la, we just have dinner, like always". Instead this is what I got:

"Either with Daniel Craig or George Clooney!"

I was speechless when I read her text. No, I swallowed a big gulp of saliva! Then I re-read the message. And again, and again...

Oh boy, how in the world am I supposed to bring either of them to her birthday? Let's see, I have a friend who lives in the district where one of them is often seen - can I ask for a favor from this friend? Hurmm... Or maybe I should... Or... Wait, this is better...

Then, I got this email which pretty much solved my problem:

One day, when a seamstress was sewing while sitting close to a river, her thimble fell into the river. When she cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, 'My dear child, why are you crying?' The seamstress replied that her thimble had fallen into the water and that she needed it to help her husband in making a living for their family.

The Lord dipped His hand into the water and pulled up a golden thimble set with sapphires. 'Is this your thimble?' the Lord asked. The seamstress replied, 'No.'

The Lord again dipped into the river. He held out a golden thimble studded with rubies. 'Is this your thimble?' t he Lord asked. Again, the seamstress replied, 'No.'

The Lord reached down again and came up with a leather thimble. 'Is this your thimble ?' the Lord asked. The seamstress replied, 'Yes.' The Lord was pleased w ith the woman's honesty and gave her all three thimbles to keep, and the seamstress went home happy.

Some years later, the seamstress was walking with her husband along the riverbank, and her husband fell into the river and disappeared under the water. When she cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked her, 'Why are you crying?'

'Oh Lord, my husband has fallen into the river!'

The Lord went down into the water and came up with George Clooney. 'Is this your husband?' the Lord asked. 'Yes,' cried the seamstress.

The Lord was furious. 'You lied! That is an untruth!'

The seamstress replied, 'Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said 'no' to George Clooney, you would have come up with Brad Pitt. Then if I said 'no' to him, you would have come up with my husband. Had I then said 'yes,' you would have given me all three. Lord, I'm not in the best of health and would not be able to take care of all three husbands, so THAT'S why I said 'yes' to George Clooney.

And so the Lord let her keep him.




I laughed so hard when I read this - God answered my prayer!  Well, sort of... So, changing all reference of the seamstress to my friend's identity, I forwarded the email...

I guess she's spending her birthday with George Clooney afterall. And I get to keep Daniel Craig. =)

I Hid My Love

I found this poem in one of Malaysia youth newspapers a few years back in someone's dorm room.  I don't keep a copy of the original article, so I don't think this is the whole poem I read - if you happen to know this, or wrote it, please share ya!  I don't know why after these years I suddenly remember this.  Need to tell someone I love him/her?  But who?  My grey cells have been busy processing data for work the past few weeks, I don' have time for 'mushy-mushy' thingy.  It just doesn't make sense why I - or something in me, want so much to get this poem right.

Or is it a warning that I'm becoming a robot - gosh, gotta get back to work!  Ok, after I finish writing down what I can recall...

*****************************************

I HID MY LOVE

I hid my love,

Behind smiles that seemed to bear no meaning,

While my eyes welled with deep feeling,

Between the words that seemed so much more,

Then they did just a while before.

My very actions,

Can be full of interpretations,

My gestures; no matter how subtle they be,

Can reveal all that is dear to me -- the very love I hid.

When I said "thank you",

Listen not to my words alone,

But also to the very tone,

Because my love hides deep in my voice,

Giving cause for you to rejoice.

And when I let you do,

The things that you do for me,

I leave you to do them because I see,

It's your concern you're trying to show,

It's through this your love shines - I know.

So I hid my love.

For my love lies not in what I sometimes say,

Nor the actions I show to you

But most of the times, in all that I don't say,

And more often than not in all that I don't do.

~Author unknown~

(Image from http://images-0.redbubble.net/img/art/size:large/view:main/230936-14-hide-and-seek-and-love.jpg)

Assy Guide

Someone from the management team sent me an e-mail that goes like this:

"Please read through this assy guide and comment."

Whoa... ASSY?  As in ass-y?

Despite this @#$!$#$%^!^@ (oh look, three dollar signs! i'm materialisic today!) thought going through my mind, I opened the attachment.  I half expected to see a pic of huge butt, or something like that.  Well heck, I even held my breath at whatever that might come.
...
...
...
And what did I find?
...
An equipment assembly guide!  So 'assy' is short for 'assembly'... That's a relief!

Hey, don't blame me for thinking about butts.  I never heard or used 'assy' for assembly.  Not even during my 'crazy' years in uni.  Malaysians really 'boleh' invent things you never thought possible!  Haaha!

I wonder... what next?

Jiva-Diva!

I was late for Detox Yoga on Friday, so when another founding member asked me to be his partner for Latin Partner I said sure.  But I did warn him though, I usually don't remember the choreography so don't get pissed if I do my own steps.  He said it's ok, he just needed to move anyway.  And if he can dance, then he might be able to impress his wife!  Isn't that cute?  Aww... =)

And so I went to class.  Waited for that uncle, but he didn't show up.  Well, he did, actually but he stayed outside.  I found out that he has ankle problem and couldn't do the Jive.  Wait... Jive?  Hulloh, what's that?  I heard of it before, but never really bothered to know more.  Because I never thought I'd be learning it.  Alamak...

The instructor did a quick demo when I asked him - still didn't get it.  So I told him to teach us the BASIC of Jive.  Don't even think about easy steps,  just the basic step.  I repeat, BASIC.  Honestly, I feel sorry for the instructor for having to deal with people like me - no flair in dancing, but demands like a diva.  Haaaha!

So then the class started.  Not so bad, for the first part I mean.  And the music was rather catchy.  Overall I liked it.  Until I had to dance with the instructor.  That's when I felt really inferior, I almost ran out of the studio!  I mean, come on, to partner with someone whose done this for years... and I'm a first timer.  First time doing Jive, first time dancing with a partner!  Heck, I didn't even know where to put my hands - he had to adjust a few times.  Very, very patient instructor -- thank you.

The second part was terrible - we had to turn and turn and turn some more.  And we need to have our hands away from the partner's face - most of us octopi swayed our hands too wildly, we scratched people's faces!  So after a few red lines on my partner's (new partner, not the uncle earlier), I decided to keep my hands to my side.  But that was after I gave up.  Really.  I couldn't follow the steps, not with the legs and hands coordination, and it really didn't help that my partner couldn't lead.  Hell, she couldn't even get the beat right.  I almost burst into tears at one point when I saw myself dancing in the mirror.  A complete disaster!

Luckily for me, we got to change partners during class, and my next partner assisted me a lot.  Helped with the counting, and hand gestures, steps - almost everything.  I got the steps (finally), and started to enjoy the dance better.  Then came the last part - we had to turn.  My legs got tangled with my partner, so I was dragged to dance witht he instructor again.  Great, just great!  My partner was an elderly lady, so getting tangled with her is funny.  But the instructor is a guy - it's completely a different story!  But I had no choice - just do it, lah!  No tangles, luckily.  (Who am I kidding - he's a pro, of course he knows how to move!)

Anyways, we finished the class, me dancing with this auntie and laughing our heads off everytime we missed a step - the turning was really fast and we couldn't catch up most of the time.  But all in all, I enjoyed it.  I enjoyed Jive, and maybe, just maybe, I might join that class again. 

That music we danced to is really cute and fun, it played in my head until this morning!  Must ask the instructor what the title is!  Lalalalalalala!  =)

When will I be able to wear that dress?

(http://www.danceshopper.com/images/DVD_Video_Books/DVD_Video/New_ABC_s_of_Latin_Jive-aa.jpg)

In good feather...

I woke up yesterday morning and found bird's feathers on my bed!  White and light grey, fluffy, pretty nice actually.  But I wasn't comfortable - suffocated, maybe an allergic reaction(?).  And it was too early for such a surprise - 5.05AM to be exact!  The birds must be really, really busy shedding off their feather.  But what for?  Preparing for the monsoon season?  Haha!

When I met up with a friend, she jokingly told me maybe I had an angel visiting me that night, that's why the feathers were on my bed.  And mind you, they were only on my bed, none on the floor.  I didn't quite get it at first, until she mentioned that angels have white wings, bla, bla, bla.  Which is quite ironic since the afternoon before I saw a movie poster which has an angel on it.  I didn't tell her though, who knows what crazy conclusion we might have came up with...

Once I got home I did a simple search on "myth dove feather", and these are some interesting results Google came up with:

Birds in Mythology

Life, death, luck, and love have all been tied to the tail-feathers of these ... Mythology associates doves with love and Mother goddesses such as the ...
www.shawcreekbirdsupply.com/mythology.htm

READ MORE - All about Greece, greek history, mythology, language ...

In more recent mythology, Eros is the son of Aphrodite and Ares, and one of the younger deities ... The golden arrows with dove feathers are arrows of love, ...
www.hellenism.net/cgi-bin/display_article.html?s=28&a=54

APHRODITE : Greek goddess of love & beauty ; mythology ; pictures ...

Her attributes included a dove, apple, scallop shell and mirror. .... Ancient mythology furnishes numerous instances in which Aphrodite punished those who ...
www.theoi.com/Olympios/Aphrodite.html

Animal Totems: The Power and Prophecy of Your Animal Guides - Google Books Result

by Millie Gemondo, Trish MacGregor - 2004 - Body, Mind & Spirit - 280 pages
In Greek myth, the dove was Athena's bird and represented the renewal of life and ... Among the Pueblo Indians, dove feathers were used in prayer sticks, ...
books.google.com.my/books?id=4cHG7Oau_f4C&pg=PA117&lpg=PA117&dq=myth+dove+feather&source=bl&ots=RAD-JhvrmJ&sig=baDq5Pj_6CIqsc_Z6nUPZ0KswV8&hl=en&ei=fiTySq7MDI2Y6wPq4_0N&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=8&ved=0CB8Q6AEwBw#v=onepage&q=&f=false

Dove Goddess

26 Feb 2005 ... It is not clear if the dove was only a symbol of a divinity or an attribute for a certain goddess in the Pre-Hellenic mythology. ...
www.pantheon.org/articles/d/dove_goddess.html

Birds in Mythology - Myth Encyclopedia - Birds and Creation, Life ...

According to Greek mythology, the feathers of crows and ravens were originally ... In the ancient Near East and in Greece, the dove was a symbol of love and ...
www.mythencyclopedia.com/Be-Ca/Birds-in-Mythology.html

I have to say, I never really know what breed the birds are, I never really saw them.  All this while I only heard the cooing sound, and I assume they are either pigeons or dove.  And I should try to search for "myth pigeon feathers" if I want more info, but I'll pass.  Not interested, thank you.  I only searched for "dove" to verify the story which my friend told me - that doves are usually linked with angels and Gods for Christian.  I wondered: why dove?

I still haven't found the answer, and I don't intend to. 

What I can say is, based on the search results, doves are linked with love, holiness and healing.  But someone must have forgotten something - ALLERGIC REACTION!

Really, my body was itchy all over, and I was cranky the whole day yesterday because of it.  So much for love, huh?  And healing...?  More like causing illness to me!  Sheesh!

I Can Fly! I Can Fly! I Can Fly!

Think of the presents you've brought
Any merry little thought
Think of Christmas, think of snow
Think of sleigh bells -- Here we go!
Like a reindeer in the sky
You can fly! You can fly!
You can fly! You can fly!
Soon you'll zoom all around the room
All it takes is faith and trust
But the thing that's a positive must
Is a little bit of pixie dust
The dust is a positive must
You can fly! You can fly!
You can fly! You can fly!
When there's a smile in your heart
There's no better time to start
It's a very simple plan
You can do what the birdies can
At least it's worth a try
You can fly! You can fly!
You can fly! You can fly!

That's what Peter Pan sang to Wendy, John and Micheal (yeah, I remember their names) to get them to fly to Neverland. I used to buy the gold and silver 'pixie dust' and sprinkle it everywhere and then pretend that I was flying.   Sometimes I'd do it with my friends, especially when I was too broke to buy the glitters on my own. Despite the constant imagining of flying, I knew in my heart that it's really impossible.  Even when my friends convinced my some people can actually fly (like, ahem, Peter Pan and Tinkerbell!), to me I'm just too heavy to fly.

And yet, I flew in Body Balance just now. No, not literally flying, silly, I was just so excited I felt like I actually did fly.

The instructor told us that we were going to achieve something new today, at the beginning of class.  And I was looking forward to it. I seldom join Body Balance so I didn't know what kind of 'something new' the instructor was going to pull off.  So there was a bit of excitement and dread too, I guess. Towards the end of class, he finally said it: "We're going to do the split". I was so shocked I blurted "What!?!", which was followed by smirks from the aunties who are regulars to that class.  Yeah, these aunties were good, they could follow the instructor throughout the class when I struggled to watch and then follow. But, the faces they pulled were not really nice, and to be honest I was slightly hurt.  Oh well, maybe I sounded like I gave up before even trying. I shouldn't have said that out loud - serves me right.

So I tried to split anyway, despite this knot in my stomach, and this picture in my head of my muscles tearing. I never attempted a split before.  Well, not mindfully.  If I'm not mistaken we did a split prep in one of the yoga classes but my mind was on something else so I never knew how I did - how low I got to go. To me, that time I was just doing an awkward-looking pose - not split, not dragon, or anything at all.

I split first with my left leg in front, and I got the top of my right leg scrapping the mat.  Boy that hurt! So I came out of the pose and started over.  But I couldn't even start over as the instructor asked us to change side.  And so I did.  I know my right side is more flexible than my left, but still I was afraid to tear whatever muscles there are to tear.  So I closed my eyes and went down.

That's when I heard a gasp coming from this lady next to me.  I looked at her; she was staring at me.  Then I looked at everyone else in the room, and most of them were looking at me!  And surely enough, I already though of the worst - had I torn my pants (couldn't be muscle, I'd be screaming in pain if I had) or was I doing things wrongly? To my surprise, when I looked in the mirror, I saw my butt flat on the floor!  I did a full split! Yeay! So that's why that lady was gasping, and everyone looked at my with this funny expression! Phew!

Not bad for a first mindful attempt, huh? I never tried to do a split before even though I knew very well I could do the pigeon pose rather easily. Guess I'm a scaredy-cat afterall, eh, Epa?  On the bright side, I have achieved my ultimate flexibility goal.  Well, at least on one side, I have.  But the point is, I split! Theeehee!

It's really funny to remember the look they had.  It was utter disbelief.  Maybe it was more than that, but I can't think of any words to describe it.  But what I felt was priceless - relief, I mean. OK, and proud too. Come on, who wouldn't be proud, especially when you're the fattest in class, keep falling off doing the balancing poses, and suddenly you can do a split while all the skinny and primp-looking women couldn't?  Yeah, I know I sound like a pompous bitch, but hey, let my live this moment for a bit will you?

Actually, this is not the first time this happens to me.  Earlier this year, there was this lady telling me that she's been doing yoga for some time when she had to stop for a couple of months.  So she decided to start yoga again.  And she told me she felt slightly nervous because she knew she'd do worst in class.  Then she added, "But if you're joining class, then I don't mind". I thought that was because we've made friends, but I found out after class that she thought I was going to do worse than her.  Because I'm fat.  How did I know this? "I saw you.  You are fat but you can hold that pose for

so long.  You lied to me.  I thought you cannot do so much".  What the...? I was pissed, hell, I was furious when she said I lied.  I didn't say anything to her about what I can do.  As I can recall, I only told her how the instructor's style was.  She was the one bragging about her yoga practice, her gym membership, her rich husband... and I'm the liar?  Get lost, bitch! 

Oh, just for the record, I never saw that lady again after that 'fateful' day - she really got lost, I guess.

That was my initial reaction, of course. If there's one thing I hate the most, it's when people call me a liar. I don't lie - heck, I'm a terrible liar.  You can immediately tell if I try to lie to you, believe me.  Ask my mum and friends, they know.

Now when I think back on that comment, I think it was actually an compliment.  An accomplishment, in fact.  She thought I was not capable of doing any simple yoga pose, but yet I did.  And as for tonight, I'm pretty sure the 'regulars' never, not even in their craziest dreams, thought I could go even lower than them!

Being obese since I was little, people always look down on me. I don't know, maybe to them I was created to fail, and be good at nothing accept to taking whatever awful things these skinny people say about me, and to me.  Hello, being a size 10 or 12 doesn't mean you're any good.  It only means you can get RM3 top at Reject Shop, if they even sell anything that cheap.  Seriously, these people should really get their brains checked!

Oh, whatever. The most important thing: I did a full split! Yeay!

http://www.cari-fit.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/08/2845-32.jpg

Bluwehhh...

The past couple of weeks had been so packed with activities I didn't have time to blog! I certainly hope it won't be this busy all the time anymore, cause I'm pretty sure I can stand this kind of life! Yeah, sure I like to be distracted by the mundane monotonous life but if you get surprises at every corner and every hour... believe me you'd be drained of energy in no time. And to live two whole weeks of one surprise after another...

Anyways, I guess I reached my limit this morning when I just felt like spending the whole day in bed. Spending time by myself, reflecting on life... yadda... yadda...

But that didn't happen. Because I dreamt of having dead animals in my food and drinks and that made me throw up all night! And by the time I'm supposed to go to work I was limp. And sure enough, another fainting session - only a few minutes this time, luckily, and another MC.

So now I wonder if I should do Body Balance later, or if I should just stay at home and recover the rest hours I lost from last night.
What would you do?