Any merry little thought
Think of Christmas, think of snow
Think of sleigh bells -- Here we go!
Like a reindeer in the sky
You can fly! You can fly!
You can fly! You can fly!
Soon you'll zoom all around the room
All it takes is faith and trust
But the thing that's a positive must
Is a little bit of pixie dust
The dust is a positive must
You can fly! You can fly!
You can fly! You can fly!
When there's a smile in your heart
There's no better time to start
It's a very simple plan
You can do what the birdies can
At least it's worth a try
You can fly! You can fly!
You can fly! You can fly!
That's what Peter Pan sang to Wendy, John and Micheal (yeah, I remember their names) to get them to fly to Neverland. I used to buy the gold and silver 'pixie dust' and sprinkle it everywhere and then pretend that I was flying. Sometimes I'd do it with my friends, especially when I was too broke to buy the glitters on my own. Despite the constant imagining of flying, I knew in my heart that it's really impossible. Even when my friends convinced my some people can actually fly (like, ahem, Peter Pan and Tinkerbell!), to me I'm just too heavy to fly.
And yet, I flew in Body Balance just now. No, not literally flying, silly, I was just so excited I felt like I actually did fly.
The instructor told us that we were going to achieve something new today, at the beginning of class. And I was looking forward to it. I seldom join Body Balance so I didn't know what kind of 'something new' the instructor was going to pull off. So there was a bit of excitement and dread too, I guess. Towards the end of class, he finally said it: "We're going to do the split". I was so shocked I blurted "What!?!", which was followed by smirks from the aunties who are regulars to that class. Yeah, these aunties were good, they could follow the instructor throughout the class when I struggled to watch and then follow. But, the faces they pulled were not really nice, and to be honest I was slightly hurt. Oh well, maybe I sounded like I gave up before even trying. I shouldn't have said that out loud - serves me right.
So I tried to split anyway, despite this knot in my stomach, and this picture in my head of my muscles tearing. I never attempted a split before. Well, not mindfully. If I'm not mistaken we did a split prep in one of the yoga classes but my mind was on something else so I never knew how I did - how low I got to go. To me, that time I was just doing an awkward-looking pose - not split, not dragon, or anything at all.
I split first with my left leg in front, and I got the top of my right leg scrapping the mat. Boy that hurt! So I came out of the pose and started over. But I couldn't even start over as the instructor asked us to change side. And so I did. I know my right side is more flexible than my left, but still I was afraid to tear whatever muscles there are to tear. So I closed my eyes and went down.
That's when I heard a gasp coming from this lady next to me. I looked at her; she was staring at me. Then I looked at everyone else in the room, and most of them were looking at me! And surely enough, I already though of the worst - had I torn my pants (couldn't be muscle, I'd be screaming in pain if I had) or was I doing things wrongly? To my surprise, when I looked in the mirror, I saw my butt flat on the floor! I did a full split! Yeay! So that's why that lady was gasping, and everyone looked at my with this funny expression! Phew!
Not bad for a first mindful attempt, huh? I never tried to do a split before even though I knew very well I could do the pigeon pose rather easily. Guess I'm a scaredy-cat afterall, eh, Epa? On the bright side, I have achieved my ultimate flexibility goal. Well, at least on one side, I have. But the point is, I split! Theeehee!
It's really funny to remember the look they had. It was utter disbelief. Maybe it was more than that, but I can't think of any words to describe it. But what I felt was priceless - relief, I mean. OK, and proud too. Come on, who wouldn't be proud, especially when you're the fattest in class, keep falling off doing the balancing poses, and suddenly you can do a split while all the skinny and primp-looking women couldn't? Yeah, I know I sound like a pompous bitch, but hey, let my live this moment for a bit will you?
Actually, this is not the first time this happens to me. Earlier this year, there was this lady telling me that she's been doing yoga for some time when she had to stop for a couple of months. So she decided to start yoga again. And she told me she felt slightly nervous because she knew she'd do worst in class. Then she added, "But if you're joining class, then I don't mind". I thought that was because we've made friends, but I found out after class that she thought I was going to do worse than her. Because I'm fat. How did I know this? "I saw you. You are fat but you can hold that pose for
so long. You lied to me. I thought you cannot do so much". What the...? I was pissed, hell, I was furious when she said I lied. I didn't say anything to her about what I can do. As I can recall, I only told her how the instructor's style was. She was the one bragging about her yoga practice, her gym membership, her rich husband... and I'm the liar? Get lost, bitch!
Oh, just for the record, I never saw that lady again after that 'fateful' day - she really got lost, I guess.
That was my initial reaction, of course. If there's one thing I hate the most, it's when people call me a liar. I don't lie - heck, I'm a terrible liar. You can immediately tell if I try to lie to you, believe me. Ask my mum and friends, they know.
Now when I think back on that comment, I think it was actually an compliment. An accomplishment, in fact. She thought I was not capable of doing any simple yoga pose, but yet I did. And as for tonight, I'm pretty sure the 'regulars' never, not even in their craziest dreams, thought I could go even lower than them!
Being obese since I was little, people always look down on me. I don't know, maybe to them I was created to fail, and be good at nothing accept to taking whatever awful things these skinny people say about me, and to me. Hello, being a size 10 or 12 doesn't mean you're any good. It only means you can get RM3 top at Reject Shop, if they even sell anything that cheap. Seriously, these people should really get their brains checked!
Oh, whatever. The most important thing: I did a full split! Yeay!
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