I'm talking politics! Pffft!

It wasn't long since the old mYoga management decided to close the club, before someone decided to take over the business and save it. Within that short period (let's see - it's only been a month!), I found out that someone has been spreading rumour about me 'plotting political tricks' that led to the almost-closure of the club! Oh, wow, with just one complaint after two years of keeping quiet? (Yes, I think I know exactly where it came from!)

The funny thing is - no, the STUPID thing is, these people are trying to convince people who knows what's been going on - shared the very email with a few close friends. And even stupider still, (can someone help me to find a word more stupid than stupid itself, so these stupid people can realize how stupid they are?) they got someone else into the picture. Someone totally irrelevant to the story, who's not even there when these things they claim to happen, well, 'happened'.

Seriously, if this is your trick to not paying my money back, it's lame. Got it? LAME. Have you forgotten what you've told me about another person, which story is really similar to this you're telling people about me? What next, I'm going to claim that everyone in my family wants to kill me so they can get my part of the family's fortune? That I've gone sex-crazy to the point that I ignore my husband and son, even when I don't have one? Haha!

And what's that about my evil spirit chasing me? And causing my friend to have back pain? She got it from dancing... Wait, you were not there when she got her back pain, how would you know she did? We never spoke about it after it happened, because the pain was temporary. Hurmm... From what I recall, you're the one who pointed out about someone using black magic against me. You were really sure that I was jinxed before I even went to see the ustaz. And you shared tips how to know if someone is using black magic. If by listening to you makes me have evil spirit, than you who know so much must be an even BIGGER evil, ain't?

So, what say you?

Sunrise on the Road

Decided to spend last night at my parents in Cheras simply because I wanted to watch something on TV which ended late. Didn’t even think about the consequences of having to drive all the way to Seputih during morning rush hour.

When my alarm rang at 6 o’clock, I decided to get out around 6.30 a.m. I remembered the last time I drove from my parents’ to work, it took me 2 hours to reach my office. That was a couple of years back, and I normally got out at 7 o’clock. I thought by going out half an hour earlier, I could escape the traffic and reach Seputih in 20 – 30 minutes, have 5 – 15 minutes for nap before getting dressed and go to work. Boy, was I wrong – I was on the road for the next whole hour! Having escaped traffic jams for the past 2 years, it felt so terrible! Especially with crazy drivers not turning their headlights on, and driving their vehicles really close beside my car but don’t actually got into my lane. I was wide awake as soon as I got onto the main road; I never really like adrenaline rushing through my body early in the morning – gets me tired quickly in the afternoon.

Luckily that was only in Cheras area. After the junction towards PJ, there were less vehicle and the drivers are more courteous. By this time, the sun started to rise and I realized how much I missed the feeling of calmness at these hours. The last time I actually enjoyed it was when I was in school – over 10 years ago! When my dad drove me to school in Form 3, and when I walked from my dorm to class during my years at the boarding school. The coolness of morning air, the misty fields – gosh I miss that!

Then I saw the ray of light – I actually watched the sun rising this morning, another blessing I have been missing for so long.  It was really magical, and brought smile on my face, and even in my heart.

At that moment, I remembered my grandfather holding his thumbs up in my dreams on Sunday – yes, Grandpa, everything's going to be fine afterall… =)

http://img1.jurko.net/wall/paper/Morning_Dew.jpg

My Atuk

I saw my grandfather in my dream earlier. He was smiling and held his thumbs up, as if everything's alright. I don't know if that's supposed to mean he's fine, or I'm gonna be fine.

When I was little, I thought he had some superpower to be able to read other people's mind. He could always point out when I was having trouble, or when I was the trouble. He would take me ride on his bicycle and started telling stories about his life - his childhood and the war, and I would be so immersed in the stories that I'd forget my problems.

With the things happening in my life now, it's no wonder that I had that dream.

I miss you, Atuk. I wanna hear your stories some more. About what happened after your Tuan sent you off to Kuantan so you won't get bombed if you had followed him to Singapore. You never got to finish that story when you left so suddenly.

I wanted to look for your Tuan's relatives and share your stories with them but I forgot his name. I only remember the tone in your voice when you mentioned him - deepest respect anyone could have for another. You always spoke so highly of his kindness and fairness. And how much you'd like for everyone to forget their differences and treat each other as equals, just like how he did to you and your friends.

You'd be laughing today if you could live long enough to hear this '1malaysia' campaign - you lived through it before, you'd be able to share an excellent story with us. Another one of your interesting stories that I long to hear...

May you be blessed and have a great 'life' with Nenek on the other side. I miss you both very much.

It's a Lie!

Got 14 missed calls from my best friend last night and I knew something wasn't right.  When she didn't answer my calls (a few times), I decided to just go find her.  Lucky for me, I found her at the first place I went to.  She was surprised to see me there; I was half-expecting to see her with tear-stained face.  I didn't have to push for answers because immediately, she passed me a piece of paper.  As soon as I finished reading, I was cursing like a mad woman.

My friend is in love with someone from her workplace.  She's been guarding her heart all this while, telling herself and asking me to remind her that it's not a good idea to date a colleague.  But the guy has been flirting with her shamelessly, gave her presents, and even drove her to KLIA!  So eventually, she started to think that something good might happen and took a chance.  Yesterday, while chatting, he suddenly turned cold.  And cruel.  Started telling her off, decided that he didn't want them to get anymore serious.  Damn, he wanted it to end and wanted nothing to do with her anymore.  Said that she blabs about them to everyone, and he wondered what else she's done – which is nothing!  Being a softie, my friend cried on the spot.  And this guy, who sits nearby and obviously heard her, simply ignored her, turned away and left.

My take?  He's just another one of them with dicks but don't deserve to be called men.  I have a feeling that someone must have told him something – how else can someone turned from being lovey dovey one minute and a monster the next?  PMS?  Nah, someone must have been telling lies.  And he stupidly believed it!  As a result, my friend had to suffer – cried her eyes out all night, regretting over what's happened, blaming herself for even getting involved.  To tell you honestly, I was crushed to see someone as kind and gentle as she be so broken.  I wished I could just crush that guy there and then.  And the person who invented the lie, or lies.

I'm not trying to be a Miss-Know-It-All, but I've been in her place a few times too many.  I know how it's like to have people being nice to you one day, and have them smirking and turning their backs towards you the next.  To have these people treat you like you've just murdered their families.  To have them treat like you're shit – simply because they've heard something about you.  Something that's definitely not nice, from bitches who are jealous of you.  They can't achieve what you have in reality, so they cook up something awful about you.  So people would hate you and avoid you, and you're heartbroken and all alone?  So you can feel how it's like to be them?  How lonely and pathetic their lives are?  Obviously.

My God, why do you let these people live?  Why did you even created them in the first place?

I wish for the foulness in their hearts be shown to the world – pasted on their faces and all over their body, as warts and puss.  I wish they would stink so bad that nobody would even want to be near them.

And for the pussies who decided to believe in the lies and carry out their 'punishment', I wish they turn deaf and have their limbs rot.  So they won't be able to hear anymore lies – why have blessing of hearing if you don't use it for good use?  Let their hands and legs stink so everybody who sees them would wonder what happened.  Let them keep their sights, so they can see the disgusted faces around them.  Let them keep their speech so they can tell the world that they're stupid to believe in lies and to treat people unfairly!

Haha, my mp3 player hits Christina Aguillera's The Voice Within.  Great timing. 

"Young girl don't cry
I'll be right here when your world starts to fall
Young girl it's alright
Your tears will dry; you'll soon be free to fly…"

I will always be here for you, my friend.  Like you said, it's hard and you'll never forget what's happened.  Keep your heads up, and be brave.  Show to them how strong you are, although it hurts like shit inside.

I've got your back.  With loads and loads of cushions to support you, in case you fall or need more than tissues to wipe your tears with.

Urrgghh...

Today must be one of the most irritating day in my life.

Had a meeting in the morning, to get a good scolding from someone who thinks he's the greatest manager in the world. Because my work has no progress since... Friday afternoon!

After the meeting, went to audit a team whose manager thinks he knows everything about ISO. He answered with an 'air', said he knows what the standard requirement is, but wasn't able to provide any proof. That's really easy for me - threw an EXTRA LARGE nonconformity in his face!

In the afternoon, my colleagues were pissed at me for making the big boss pissed earlier - he went on and on about my incompetence even in two meetings later, and they wasted all morning being his 'dumpster'.

Got to mYoga, thinking that I could finally unwind, but guess what? All the people I don't wanna see decided to come today! And gathered at a place everyone could see! Bitches! Worked extra hard to ignore them - really hard if you're already full of negativity, I tell you!

After class, I went to have dinner. My friend joined me later, and I noticed some of the waiters hung around our table - that'd what you get if you have a superstar-look companion. This time I decided to make jokes about them hoping it would make me feel better. Lucky for me, my friend had interesting stories to tell, so after some time the waiters disappeared into the background...

23 hours into the day, I'm just glad to be at home and finally be alone.

Let's hope tomorrow is gonna be a better day, and the week won't be as annoying as today.

Another SOS?

The dreadful day came and went, but things happened and they're worth to be recorded - not really a memorabilia, rather for safekeeping/security reasons.

I arrived at the session about 15 minutes earlier, as always. It's a habit I developed since I was little thanks to my strict teachers at MGPS. Waited for a few minutes before the consultant came out of the discussion room, 'surprised' to see me, as always... Really, it's getting old! At the end of his 'I'm so pleased to see you waiting for me' (duhhh!), he added that he expected me to come an hour earlier. Claimed that he sent an email a few days earlier of the time change which I never got. He made a fuss about the next session starting at 1 o'clock and I told him, "Then better start my session now and not waste time".

I should mention that when I went into the room, another participant (from session before mine) was there, getting ready to leave. Right before she left, she gave me her number and insisted that I should have lunch with her.

I sat right across the table from him, trying to make a point, and refused his request to sit on the chair closer to him which I normally take.

In that short period of 30 minutes, he attempted to hold my hand again but I pulled my hand in time before his filthy hands landed on mind. He then aimed for my bracelet and complimented about it being shiny, and tried to unlock my mum's reason for giving me the bracelet. Superlame! First, it's metal so it's supposed to be shiny. Second, who cares why she gave me anything at all? She's a generous person and I'm happy to get presents from her. He took my phone and stared at the blank screen, maybe hoping that the screen would light up and go-live or something!

Around 1.20pm, the participant for the next session called the consultant, inviting him for lunch. The consultant wanted me to come along but I said I had other plans.

As soon as I got to the lobby, I called up the lady who gave her number earlier and we had lunch and chatted. At one time, she asked me what conversation I had with the consultant, and I told her all the professional stuff. She paused, and changed the topic. Considering she is married and is much older, it took me a while before realizing this: was she concerned about the conversation because she could sense something was wrong or was she trying to reach out?

Am I not the only one being harrassed? I heard before another female participant announced that she was going to a Jazz show with the same consultant, exactly one week after I turned down his invite.

Is he doing this to everyone? Should I go around asking the others too? But wouldn't that make me look like a busy-body? And what if my thoughts are wrong?

A Cry For Help!

"Would a woman be treated with more respect if she were married?"

This question, I asked a couple of male friends and they both agreed that it's quite true but not out of respect for that woman rather it's for the husband. My initial reaction was, naturally, anger and frustration. I'm not a feminist but I sense discrimination here! But I'll let this pass for now, as discrimination is not my focus here.

I'm writing this as a written proof on this harassment that I have to endure.

You see, I signed up for an exchange programme amongst some companies. The aim is to basically develop my managerial skills and prepare myself for higher positions. The organizer hires a consultant to help all participants. We are given trainings and a few one-to-one personal mentoring sessions.

During one of the training sessions, I came early without having breakfast. I got at the training venue and saw the maintenance staff / caterers preparing to serve food, so I asked to have some. The consultant saw this and asked me if he could take some from my plate. Considering it was no harm, I said sure, and he picked at my food before I managed to put my plate on the table - I was still holding the plate.

During training, we had short breaks and he offered to get me coffee, in front of all other participants. One of them pointed out, in an annoyed tone, that it's not fair that only I was offered coffee while the others had to get their own.

On the last day of training, we were asked to do role-play on effective listening, and each of us were video-taped. The consultant commented on our reactions, and he mentioned that I look pretty when I smile. Again, I thought of no harm, although I didn't like that comment - I really didn't look good and everyone else agreed I look better without a goofy grin.

I remember the consultant giving examples on relationships to most cases that he lectured about - personal relationship, courting, marriages, those that are not related to career development. At that time I thought he was just lonely, knowing he's divorced and all, so I paid no attention. Another participant asked what was wrong with him and his relationship examples, and the consultant rambled about something. I didn't pay attention so I can't recall what his answers were.

One afternoon, the consultant left a message in my mailbox, asking me to call him back because of something important. I did, thinking it's business. I found out later that he had two tickets to a Jazz Show and wanted me to join him. I was pissed at his 'it's important' message and pointed it out, but he claimed that it IS important to him. I declined, thanks for that migraine I had since morning.

The next day I had to attend a one-to-one personal mentoring session with the consultant. During this session, he admitted to admire me. He started talking about wanting to take me somewhere and just talk... and figuring out what is it about me that had attracted him. All the while I fidgeted in my chair, clearly not comfortable. But he was so absorbed in that topic that he didn't notice, or didn't care. Again, I felt sorry for that old man, and still had the respect for him, so I kept quiet and waited until he finished.

The next mentoring session, I arrived late because I was caught up with another meeting at my office. Another participant was there when I arrived, so the conversation was strictly business. After that, he brought us for lunch in Suria KLCC (it was Madam Kwan's, I think) and I pretended to be immersed in my food. So the consultant was talking to the other participant most of the time. I overheard him mentioning that he's looking for a girlfriend, or someone to go out with, and how he plans to take the relationship to the next stage and so on... I felt queasy having to go through this topic again so I concentrated hard on my food and surroundings.

The last session I went was the week after Chinese New Year. Again, he shared his feelings, and something else. He said he can read palms, and being a skeptic to this, I let him - so far nothing the lines show is true. I put my hand on the table, close enough for him to see. He pointed to some lines and commented, but not long after, he grabbed my hand and said "so fleshy, so fleshy". Then he mentioned that he likes my lips to most because... And started smacking his own lips. I said "yuck" and asked him to stop, which he did but the way he stared at me showed it never stopped in his filthy brain. I tried to keep cool until end of the session, when he invited me to have lunch with him. I told him I didn't want to go because I'm interested in a guy and would not want him (this guy I'm interested in) to get the wrong idea if he sees me lunching with a guy. He insisted that I join him still, and luckily for me I got a call from office that I have to attend an urgent meeting.

The next mentoring session is tomorrow at 12pm, and honestly, I'm really scared. I told my friend what happened and she got worried and suggested that I have an audio tape ready tomorrow, or have someone else with me.

You'd probably be asking why I never reported this, right? Well, if it were up to me, I had done so the day he told me he admires me. But I thought that was just a silly old guy feeling lonely, and I never thought he'd dare to get physical. Plus, I really don't want to jeopardize my career, considering I'm the sole breadwinner in the family. And what if he decides to beat me up, somewhere outside the office? (Oh, if he does this I'm definitely going to the police.)

This is my cry for help, for now. Pray for me that nothing is going to happen tomorrow. Pray that his brain could work out some sense, and realize that he's twice my age and older than my parents - no way I'd be interested, no matter how much money or how many PhD's he has!

Memorable Sky Bridge Visit

After the encounter with that excited guy (read my last post), I managed to get to the event on time.  The dialogue session was indeed mind-provoking, I was brought to think deeply about some things in my life - which might be the cause to my unusually deep post last night.  Towards the end of the session, everyone who participated was refreshed, physically and mentally.  We were really lucky to be able to join that session.

After that mental workout, the organizer announced that they have arranged for a special visit to KLCC's Sky Bridge.  Most of us were excited, since that would be our first time experience.  So we gathered noisily at the lobby, squeaking and revealing our childish side (yes, including the men).  There were also those who was suspiciously silent - I found out later that they are actually afraid of heights, but wouldn't want to miss this golden opportunity!

At 4.55 pm sharp, two men gave us a short brief on safety precautions and we got up the elevator... to Level 42!  Yes, I put exclamation mark there in my last sentence because it's something really special.  You see, the Sky Bridge has two levels - level 41 for the public and level 42 for special delegates and people.  We got out at level 42, so it only make sense that I'm all excited - I feel special, theeehe!

We were given more information on the construction and design of the structure (including the towers) as we got out of the elevator, but I wasn't paying attention.  My attention was focused on the open tunnel ahead, how beautiful the sight was - glittering metal against afternoon sunlight!  I bet most of the delegates had the same thing in their minds too.  After a few minutes, we were allowed to get onto the bridge.  So we went, snapping photos at every angle, almost losing our composure and betraying our 'future-corporate-leaders' image.  No, actually, we dropped our professional caps, and behaved like over-grown kids -- even the big shots from the organizing company!

I had my finger constantly on my phone's snap button and got quite a number of photos.  Although not all are good, I found one that I like the most.  It's not really a nice shot, but I like it because of the feeling I get everytime I remember that this is the only place in the world you can see both towers at the closest distance.  And to remember the transformation I witnessed amongst the delegates.

I have so much more to share, but my chest is bursting with excitement and I just couldn't find the words to describe.  All I know, it's definitely a treasured moment and I will remember this 'adventure' for the rest of my life!

Hello, where's the train station?

Went to KLCC just before lunchtime, so I can get in time for an event which starts at 2 pm. I got there slightly after 1 and decided to find a place to grab quick lunch. Although I go to this remarkable landmark every other week, I hardly ever eat at the shopping complex - most of the time food is catered at the office where I have meetings.

As I looked around, I noticed a guy looking at me. I didn't really pay attention - could be that I look familiar, or maybe he was looking for something...

Then he approached me and asked the direction to the train station. Not familiar with the area myself, I apologized and suggested for him to ask the stall vendors. He said thank you, but instead of walking off, he started telling me about himself - that he just got transfered from another state, that today is his first day, that he wandered quite far from he should, and so on. I kept walking and he kept following me, excitedly telling me about his new job.

When I got to one of the stalls, I got in line and told him "I stop here". He said ok, and walked off. While queuing, I noticed a café and decided to have lunch there instead. After a few steps, someone yelped "there it is, train station!". Surely enough, I was shocked to hear that familiar voice. I thought he left, how come he's still behind me? After that, (yeah, you guessed right) he went on with his story - this time about his LRT experience! I was glad the café is nearby (although I admit I wished it were much nearer) so when I got there we departed, for real this time.

While I had my meal, I kept thinking about that guy and the things he shared. How he was so excited about living in the city, his promotion, new office and all. Having worked for a company which interstate transfer among the staff is quite a regular practice, this guy's story is actually simply another typical routine. Based on experience, it won't be long before the city's fast life gets to him. Then even the promotion and increased pay isn't all rosy anymore. But of course, there are those who prefer KL and decided to stay here way past their retirement.

But it's not the content of his story that got me. It's the fact that he didn't mind telling a complete stranger about himself; this stranger who could take advantage of him. Just what drove him to do so - naïvity, perhaps? He came from a small town where, stereotypingly, the people are less twisted. Perhaps that's why he's so trusting? Wouldn't it be nice to have that kind of atmosphere, safe and trusting, in the midst of our so-called civilised community? I haven't lived long enough but I can tell that's something you don't find everyday. That once you find it, it's worth more than gemstones (hypothetically speaking only, it can never be true for a materialistic like me!).

Whatever it is that caused him to open up to me, I'm really honoured to be at the receiving end. My life is never going to be big or happening enough, but I dare say it's colourful because of the stories and experiences others have shared with me.

So thank you Mr Whatever-Your-Name-Is, for sharing your life story and adding colour to my life.

Connecting... ... ...

My mind has been a series of "blanks" for a few days, a definite sign that I have over used my body. Tried to get rest, but somehow I just couldn't fall asleep. So on Friday night, I went to a nearby cinema and asked for a ticket for one, to whatever movie they're showing next. What got was a ticket to the "Up in the Air". I was quite disappointed to find out it's a romantic comedy; never a big fan of this genre especially when my body is as good as a soggy rag. To realize I had to wait almost 2 hours before it starts... now that's the ultimate test! I decided to wait for the movie anyway – mostly because I paid for the ticket.

The movie is about a guy (played by George Clooney), whom I would define as a "detachment expert". He works for a company that 'eases the burden of employers in terminating their staff'. Actually, his company provides sort-of encouragement and support to staff that are let go but that comes after telling them that they're fired. Because his clients are all over the States, Ryan Bingham, lives on possessions limited by what he can fit into his suitcase – no big stuff or unnecessary commitments, all you need is the life's bare necessities. (But he owns the Airlines graphite VIP card, duh!). He met a woman, fell in love and breaks his own rules on commitment, only to find out that the woman already has a family. What crushes him the most is that he's just a 'parentheses' in her life (or maybe that's what crushed ME the most!). So in the end, he's back to living by his 'suitcase'.

On the way home 'til the rest of the night, I couldn't stop thinking about the relevance of the movie with my life. Materially, I'm pretty sure I can't live by limited number of items. Although that'd be a good idea, considering all the debts I can relief off my shoulder. It's the human aspect that I was concerned about. I thought mostly of the people I've into my life; my suitcase. Where some of them are now – at the bottom of the bag where I hardly reach out for, in the main compartment where I stash most of the stuff – abundant but insignificant, the front pockets for little less necessary things, or the side pockets where I can access them most quickly. Also, those I decided to stash out entirely, dropping them out of my life altogether. Those who are still in the bag, with their expectations and issues; how useful they have been and how sometimes the have weighed me down. And in turn, how much have I contributed to them all – have I been a good friend, or am I even worthy to be called one? How long will I hold onto them, keep them in the bag – my life?

And if anyone considers me a parentheses in their life? That I'm there when they need me, but they can ignore me when they don't need the 'supporting evidence'. If I would regard anyone as parentheses in my own life? I don't know. Honestly, I don't dare to answer this. I think it's too cruel to take anyone for granted, to call them an appendix. For everyone has given something to me, left a foot print in my life. Whatever the effects are to me – good or bad, I have grown because of them. I am here because I have known these people, and I have learnt from them.

.O.N.E.

One song can spark a moment,
One flower can wake the dream.

One tree can start a forest,
One bird can herald spring.

One smile begins a friendship,
One handclasp lifts a soul.

One star can guide a ship at sea,
One word can frame the goal.

One vote can change a nation,
One sunbeam lights a room.

One candle wipes out darkness,
One laugh will conquer gloom.

One step must start each journey,
One word must start each prayer.

One hope will raise our spirits,
One touch can show you care.

One voice can speak with wisdom,
One heart can know what's true.

One life can make the difference,
You see IT'S UP TO YOU

Tennis... after 15 years

My colleague asked if I can teach her tennis after work at our new office.  Surely enough that caught me off guard - TEACH tennis?  I haven't seen my tennis racket for years!  Got it?  Not seen it, what more to hold or play with it.

So I asked where she got the idea to have me be her instructor.  Her reply was really simple:  From the way I played the pingpong (table tennis) during our last Interdepartment tournament, I look like a pro tennis player.  (My twisted brain processed it as "because you suck at pingpong!".  Haha.  I'm won't complain, that is so true - I lost in all rounds; must be a world records, right?)

Of course, she was just sweet talking me into being her tennis partner, since she'd been wanting to try it for some time but there's no other female colleagues who does.  We have a few good male player in the office (although they really don't look like the tennis players, believe me), but the female population here prefers to stay at home and cook.  Except for me.  And her.  Considering it'd be a good opportunity to vary my life routine, I decided to give it a go.  One the conditions that:

1. 
   
   I can find my tennis racket -- I'm not gonna get a new one because I'll only be playing for a couple of months before I have to get back to my home company (I'm seconded to this one, as part of development training).
2. 
   
   We play with the guys -- we're both not at all good at tennis, might as well play and learn from them, right?
3. 
   
   I'm NOT going to teach her.  Instead we learn together from other people -- better if we can get free lessons. =)

She agreed to the terms; I guess she's pretty desperate, afterall.  And so I went home and looked for my racket.  Found it stashed at the back of my closet, but suddenly dreading what I'm gonna face on the court.  God knows what might happen -- could be I'm gonna improve, or other things/incidents gonna repeat?

You see, I took lessons when I was in Form 2, but only for a couple of months.  I quit because I caught the instructor attempted to hold my breasts - three times in a single hour!  And believe me, that wasn't some wild accusation - he shamelessly admitted it!  He even told me his perverted imaginations, and what he'd do if I let him.  What a bastard!

It took me a few years to overcome the fear and forget the terrible harassment.  Thanks to encouragements from my friends, I started tennis again in uni.  But most of the time I was an audience or running after the ball (that's how 'GREAT' my tennis skills is).  We played in the afternoon, at first, until we started attracting other tennis enthusiasts from other parts of the area.  When there were too many people playing in the afternoon, we switched to playing at night - around midnight, until when we got really tired, or sleepy.  But these were hardly the case for us to stop.  Mostly we stopped because the guards chased us out!  Some even called us crazy for doing it at the weird hour, considering the was a lake right next to the court - the lake was supposed to be 'haunted'... booo!  Anyways, I enjoyed our midnight tennis session.  Believe me, the black background helped a lot to emphasize the flourescent balls so it didn't took much of an effort to concentrate.  Except when your opponent hit the balls into the spotlight.

With that memory (at uni), I'm all ready for another round of tennis.  I'm pretty sure we'll be chasing after the balls more often than actually hitting them, but that's alright.  In fact, that's a good enough excuse to laugh at each other -- and laughter is supposed to help with destressing, right?  So why not?

And now I'm looking forward for the new office renovation works to complete.  Definitely will announce to everyone in the office about our plan.  I think it's better to get a bigger crowd, so at least any spectators would be watching them and not me.  Plus, I will get to see different styles of players, and if I'm lucky enough, get the good ones to teach me.  Or at least share some tips.  Then maybe I'll play in my home company once I get back.

So watch out, world -- here I come!  (",)

Looking forward to see you

As if to clear these negativities in my head, I heard this song on the radio this morning as I was driving to work - Micheal Bublé's Haven't Met You Yet.  It's about someone whose heart has been broken so many times, but is still optimistic that he'll find the right person someday. 

Good to be reminded of such things, in such positive manner, fun tune and cute face (ok, you have to imagine a bit here)!

So here goes:

Haven't Met You Yet
by Micheal Bublé

I'm not surprised
Not everything lasts
I've broken my heart so many times
I stop keeping track

Talk myself in
I talk myself out
I get all worked up
And the I let myself down

I tried so very hard not to lose it
I came up with a million excuses
I thought, I thought of every possibilities

And I know someday that it'll all turn out
You'll make me work so we can work to work it out
And I promise you, kid, that I'll give so much more than I get
I just haven't met you yet

Mmmmm...

I might have to wait
I'll never give up
I guess it's half timing
And the other half's luck

Wherever you are
Whenever it's right
You come out of nowehere and into my life

And I know that we can be so amazing
And baby your love is gonna change me
And now I can see every possibility

Mmmmm...

And somehow I know that it will all turn out
And you'll mane me wotk so we can work to work it out
And I promise you, kid, I'll gve so much more than I get
I just haven't met you yet

They say all's fair
And in love and war
But I won't need to fight it
We'll get it right
And we'll be united

And I know that we can be so amazing
And being in your life is gonna change me
And now I can see every single possibility

Mmmm....

And someday I know it'll all turn out
And I'll work to work it out
Promise you kid, I'll give more than I get
Than I get, than I get, than I get

Oh you know it'll all turn out
And you'll make me work so we can work to work it out
And I promise you, kid, to give so much more than I get
Yeah I just haven't met you yet

I just haven't met you yet
Oh promise you kid
To give so much more than I get

I said love, love, love, love, love, love, love...
I just haven't met you yet

Love love love...
I just haven't met you yet.

WTF?

My teachers kept reminding me that things will not change unless YOU change. And so I have been living my life accepting changes with an open mind. Changes for the better, that is.

What happened this morning was something completely ridiculous; that throws all those advices about change right into the toilet bowl. Something that I never thought possible to exist in the shrewedest mind. But it does.

You see, I had a 'heart-to-heart' talk with a couple of people, and we appointed a mediator to make sure things don't go overboard. The session is to basically throw any dissatisfaction in the open and sort out our differences. What people don't like about me is that I email my 'orders' first, then only talk to them. Or so they say. Later, they started questioning my emails; that I was being 'inhuman'. They want me to call for meetings more frequently, meet the people, sort of connect with them.

I tried to explain that I prefer that they have everything ready first - take a look at the forms, etc so when I explain, they can quickly grasp the idea. That I email because that can be used as evidence, considering the company is ISO certified. That the meetings don't help because most of the time (even during this session), half of them won't turn up.

After some time, the mediator started to take side - against me! Why she did that, I don't know. And I'm not gonna speculate although honestly, I have so many ideas going through my head. Struggling to be calm, I explained the actions.

They kept saying "It's not how we do things here. You can do that to your 27,000 staff in your company, but we refuse to do it here".

So I recalled the famous saying I heard so often in school. A hadith from Prophet Muhammad, about improvements can only be achieved if you change. I thought, since they all claimed to be religious, the would consider this - hey, it's something from the Prophet...

But I thought wrong. Stupidly, completely wrong. I was too young to give that kind of advice. I'm not religious enough to quote the 'sacret' advice of the Prophet. Their Prophet (wtf?)

And they started reminding me that I'm an outsider. That I'm not the company's staff. Thanks, I've never forgotten that. And I remember being assigned here to give advice on business process improvement. What I ended up with was doing clerical works, because nobody is capable of doing them.

I have proposed so many changes, but nothing was done. (And they dared to question what have I contributed to help them?) Their excuse (as in the management team): these people are not mature enough compared to where I come from. Well, hello, how do you expect people to grow if you underestimate your own people? And, how can you claim to be world-class leader if you can't even provide evidence when I ask for one - all directions must be done verbally, remember?

In the end, they wanted me to follow their way of doing things. The same method that's cost them billions in losses. Funny, they hired me to improve the business but they don't wanna change? What the fuck did you hire me for, assholes? (Wait, hired? They don't pay me a single cent!)

Clearly nothing is going to happen, so I'm not gonna waste anymore of my time. I will leave as soon as my tenure expires, which is in July. And until then, I would just talk. That's what being human is about to them afterall. That's what concern them the most.

All talks and get nothing done.